Thursday, September 09, 2004
An Ongoing Sheep Saga
I've been continuing this story that was posted on my blog back in April on the E-Scribblers bulletin board. Mainly I've been doing it to participate in these Quickfic challenges and since I can't think of stories to save my life, just adding nonsense about Spawn and her sheep seemed like a good idea.
Oh you'll notice there are some odd words that appear in each snippet. That's been the point of the challenges: write something that's less than 500 words long using three oddball words.
Anyway they'll only ever be seen at the bulletin board. We didn't feel really good about posting a beastiality saga, no matter how tongue-in-cheek, at the E-Scribblers site. Since I wrote 'em, I'm going to post them here as well.
Snippet 1: The Sweet Snore of Vengeance
Another sunny day and Spawn was taking a nap underneath her favorite oak tree. She had fallen asleep counting sheep. She had to resist counting sheep that were too comely because that ended up having the opposite effect. Only sheep of average looks could put our Spawn to sleep.
Every now and then Spawn would twitch. Most likely she was dreaming of her love, Peta, who had traveled to the big city to purchase more sheep. Peta was insatiable when it came to matters of sex and between the two of them they had worn out their current flock. Peta, being the doyen [Note: should have been "doyenne" but who's gonna be that nitpicky?] of all things four-legged, was best suited to picking out the heartiest stock. Spawn could be seduced by a pair of snowy white haunches and a prettily trilled “baaaa”. She was no good when it came to purchasing for endurance.
So a flock of very exhausted sheep and a happily dozing Spawn. What could interrupt this sleepy idyll? One Bahram Yew, that’s who. This soporific scene was perfect for his revenge.
You see Peta and Spawn had pulled a little prank on Bahram. They slipped a sleeping potion into his Ram Chow and while he was dreaming of willing ewes with fluttery eyelashes they shaved his balls. Yes, Bahram was now the proud owner of a pair of testicles so glabrous they were an embarrassment to his ramhood.
Just as he was ready to butt Spawn with his magnificent horns she rolled over and lashed out with her arm. Bahram never knew what hit him. Spawn had needed a little something extra to help her on the way to sleepytown and clutched in her fist was none other than the King of Vibes, the Neptune. Bahram Yew’s revenge would have to wait for another day.
Snippet 2: The Homecoming
“Awwwww, how cute.” Peta had to stand for a while and watch Spawn, a vision of recumbent splendor, with her Neptune tucked firmly under her chin. But why was Bahram Yew sleeping nearby? He misprized everything they held dear. Why would those two suddenly be all cozy?
A small scowl marred Peta’s incredibly average features. “I’m gonna get to the bottom of this.” She marched over and gave Bahram Yew a swift kick with her Birkenstocks. He didn’t move. He was out cold. “Huh? Weird.”
Spawn started to stir. She smelled something. Something that spelled trouble with a capital T. “Peta! Baby! You’re back!” Spawn leapt up and jumped into Peta’s arms, wrapping her legs around Peta’s waist. She then proceeded to place big smacking kisses all over Peta’s face.
Spawn stopped slobbering when she noticed Bahram Yew’s prostrate form lying very close to where she had been napping. “What the-? Where did he come from?”
“The very question I was going to ask you. You didn’t happen to exhaust him so much he’s dead to the world? Peta asked with a smirk.
“Huh? Are you shittin’ me? I don’t know how the hell he got here. Me and ol’ Neptune here were just minding our own business and having a little nap.” Spawn ran a playful finger over Peta’s lips. “Although it would have been soooo much nicer to have you send me to dreamland.”
“Ooooh, baby, hold that thought. I’ve gotta show you what I bought in the Big City.” Peta put Spawn down and walked to the truck. She grabbed a large box from the passenger side and handed it to Spawn.
“Cool!” Spawn ripped the top of the box off and gazed in wonder at the contents. “You so rock!” She then pulled out a stunning, custom-made sheep costume and stroked it reverently. “I can’t wait to try it out.”
Unbeknownst to Spawn and Peta, Bahram Yew had awakened from his unconscious state. “Oh, lovely. The big hairy one is back.” He didn’t want to be noticed by the two, so he pretended to be unconscious and assessed the most advantageous time to make his escape. “Perhaps while they’re dining. That must be quite a sight. I’m sure neither one is much of a deipnosophist. They probably just shovel the food in and then start rutting like animals.” Bahram Yew shuddered in revulsion. “I mustn’t be here when the rutting begins.”
To Be Continued in Snippet 3....
posted by Tamara - 2:38 PM -- Link to this entry
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